Ways to Practice Self-Love

Love in many forms, love in any form, is an incredible thing.

We each deserve to be loved by the most important person in our life - Ourselves. In my experience, the true magnitude of love is felt deeper when that love starts with self. So I wanted to share a few ways to practice self-love.

Here are five ways to practice self-love

Tend to Your Garden

This is one of the most important lessons my mother has taught me.

Your garden can be your mind, heart, or life.

My mother, being the tree of wisdom that she is, shared this very important message with me as a child. She said “Be mindful of the seeds you allow others to plant in your garden. If someone plants doubt and uncertainty, then waters these seeds by their actions, it’s foolish to expect trust to flourish.” She encouraged me to not be afraid to remove the weeds in my garden that spur the growth of anything else. Many times the removal of these weeds may remove the very people that planted them. Make peace with that.

Giving Yourself the Flowers

Often times, even when we know how great we are, we wait or long for others to celebrate us. Out of fear of being called self-centered or narcissistic, some of us feel weird about celebrating ourselves.

We are each deserving of joy and celebration. It is important to give ourselves the love we often seek from others.

Write yourself a love letter, get yourself a bouquet of flowers, take yourself on a hot date or buy yourself a special gift. However you see fit, celebrate yourself.

Forgive Yourself

How often do you give the compassion, empathy, and understanding you give to others to yourself?

We each hold ourselves to a high standard. So when we make mistakes, it’s hard to bear the overwhelming guilt and shame that may come. Forgiveness helps us make peace with the past and has positive effects on our relationship with ourselves as well as our relationship with others. The process looks different for different people. For me, it’s been a process of accountability, acceptance, and renewal. It is in these steps that I learned the freedom and peace that come with letting go.

Where ever you are in your process, I hope you are patient with yourself and you learn to extend the same grace you’ve extended to others to yourself.

Be More Self-Assertive

Having grown up in a patriarchal society that promotes self-assertion as unladylike, I have personally struggled to stand up for myself or set clear boundaries.

Even more so as a woman, as a Black woman, I often fear that the biases people have may lead them to mistake my assertion for aggression. Thus, I find myself brushing off my feelings and opinions to the side to keep the peace or avoid being a point of friction.

But oftentimes, when we do this we are robbing ourselves of our peace. At times setting boundaries may cost us relationships and friendships but not setting them is coming at the cost of ourselves. There is power in standing up for yourself and remaining true to who you are in all circumstances.

Unlearn

Where does your perception of self come from? How much say have you had in how you understand and perceive yourself? How much of your understanding of self comes from self-discovery?

So often, the lens through which we look at ourselves has been tainted and influenced by the views of others. At one point in our lives, our families, educators, friends, or people we loved have told us about ourselves and we have internalized these views as our truth to a degree. Although there are a great number of positive teachings that shape our beliefs, there are a number of negatives ones too.

Love yourself so much that you work to unlearn all the toxic projections, beliefs, and limited understandings you’ve accepted as fact.

How do you practice self-love? Please share in the comments.